When we were born, there were a few things we inherently understood:
We are here
We are alive
We trust our providers to care for us and help us grow
We trust our bodies
We are Home
We trust the world around us
…because we hadn’t been taught yet how or why to distrust the world.
We had Trust, we had Faith – in all the things outside of us, bigger than us.
For some, the illusion of safety is shattered sooner than later. For some more, safety never seems to leave them.
But when it does leave, it feels catastrophic.
We can only remain innocent for so long – to continue in the face of evidence to the contrary is self-denial: your new safety net.
Your denial is the safety net stops you from falling into despair at your own powerlessness in the face of difficulty – because the thought of experiencing your own powerlessness against the tides is too frightening.
To be vulnerable is too frightening. Lonely. Small.
Especially in this day, when vulnerability is harshly viewed and treated.
In fact, to be vulnerable is so frightening that it’s easier to blame ourselves than admit that:
- Your parents were wrong – they’re only human
- The media is wrong – they judge, criticise and entertain to bolster their bottom line
- Beauty advertising is wrong – nobody can look like those perfect celebrities without great lighting and Photoshop…which in fact also means that those celebrities aren’t perfect, they don’t look like the pictures suggest they do
- Health advertising is wrong – there is so much conflicting evidence out there about what is healthy for a person when, if anything, all evidence points to the specifics of each person’s health being as individual as their fingerprint
- Society is wrong – because they’ve absorbed all of these stories and are parroting these stories to control you, to make you conform
And because of that, it’s easier to wage war against ourselves than against those behemoths – in our bodies, to our bodies, in our minds, on our plates…
It is easier to do all that than it is to Trust yourself.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It doesn’t have to be you vs. yourself on behalf of all the things that the rest of the world finds “wrong” with you.
It doesn’t have to be you vs. the world.
It doesn’t even have to be we vs. the world, as we see so often in politics, religion, and Facebook memes: “I’m right, you’re wrong, SHUT UP!”
It is actually about you coming full circle.
In order to feel safe…ironically, you need to Trust.
Trust is given, not earned.
You have to trust yourself, your body, your knowledge and abilities first.
Above all else.
It sure helps to do what you can to make it as likely as possible for the best outcome to unfurl.
And then, you have to trust the people whose help you need to do their best by you.
Trust, ultimately, is a leap of faith to believe in the best outcome – even if there’s a chance the worst might happen.
That illusion of safety you lost? Is regained – when you Trust.
I know it’s hard. Heck, I still have plenty of issues with Trust:
I second-guess myself, even when I know the answer. I go and check it out just that one last time. It’s the fear of being tripped up, exposed and vulnerable.
I make assumptions about how the people in my life will react to the things I tell them. It’s the fear of letting them down, or otherwise displeasing them with my truths.
I still regularly take the path of discretion over valour. It’s the fear of being stopped in my paths and choices by other people talking.
How do I regain Trust?
Sometimes I can do what it takes to create a just enough safety netting for me to say, “Yes, OK – I’ll Trust”. The key is to do JUST ENOUGH and to still actually take that leap and Trust…that everything will come out OK.
Sometimes, you have to Decide To Rise, as Danielle LaPorte has so beautifully put in her poem.
Sometimes, I just get so fed up of my own bullshit that I hit the F*** It button and, as I take that leap, whisper to myself “I love you”.
(I think we all need F*** It button).
But when you do Trust again, you’ll be just a little wiser than the last time, just a little more discerning, and that much more capable of looking after yourself – if only you’d Trust yourself that this is so.